


The Nature of the Moon

by Syri



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Gen, Other, Tagged as non/con, but fits better as dubcon, no graphic depictions of rape, though the occurrence is obvious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:45:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syri/pseuds/Syri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clow created a thing of great beauty, and he finds himself a weak, weak man. He never gave Yue the option to agree, or to say no. He KNEW he would not tell him no...but in his remorse and pleas for forgiveness, the magician learns Yue's very nature runs deeper than he imagined. Yue is a being whose greatest happiness comes from submission, servitude, of being Lesser Than; and it is Clow who made him that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nature of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> 11/30- God Bless ButterflyDreaming, for proofreading this work for me. She caught mistakes I NEVER would have. You're an angel, love!

Clow Reed was a shaken man, and a weak one, with a far lesser moral fiber than he had once hoped. Raised to be a fine upstanding man by fine, upstanding parents, the sorcerer strove towards the kindness and humanity all men are called to give one another. Vastly wealthy, he never failed to leave a few coins in the lap of a beggar, or to offer a hot tea or coffee or brandy. He tipped the coachman, kept his cruelest words to himself and was prompt in returning letters and visits. With his magic he was responsible, never using his bewitchments or enchantments to court a woman nor gain anything monetary. Indeed, he had used it to create life! Beautiful, wonderful, life…

He knew he couldn't be seen from the window; it was far too dark in this room, and too bright outside, but he could easily see out onto the wide sloping lawn of the backyard, where his boys played. His boys, Kerberos, Yue, a gold and silver tangle of fur and feathers and a long plait of hair. For once, they seemed to be at actual play, and not simply a thinly veiled attempt on one another’s life. They were so very young still, Kerberos a little over a year, and Yue, only 3 months old. One year apart, to the day, yet both growing very similar. His eldest held since birth the great beastly form of an amber-furred lion, rippling with muscles and adorned with the glint of lethal fangs and long claws. He had no mane, but a great tuft of soft, cream colored fur adorned his long tail, a warriors tie to accompany his vast paws and immense weight.

Yue though, the younger brother, was of a human form. Though he’d been created as the feminine aspect between the two, his form was male, no older in the physical sense than perhaps 19. Both, however, held a spirit far closer to their chronological age, rather than spiritual. Neither had been born as children; both could speak, could walk-albeit VERY clumsily- and needn’t be fed or carried or taught such rudimentary. Anything beyond that though, and, well…Clow had been having a VERY busy past year, and with Yue still so very young and learning, it wasn’t done yet. Where Kero would lick himself clean in his feline ways, Yue had needed to be taught how to bathe and dress himself, how to keep and arrange his long coils of hair. Both were still learning the finer points of manners, temper, and personal space.

Not that Clow was all that bothered by those breeches in etiquette though…at least, not from Yue.

He swallowed thickly, and took another sip of his tea.

Though both adult in nature, there was still something so very…child-like about both his creations, which showed clearly in their games of chase down in the gardens. Sibling rivalry surged powerfully between the two, just as any blood brothers, with constant pulling of hair and tails and wings, mockery, shouting, and constant tattling. It had been taxing enough with Kero, who had pounced about like a kitten when created, but it had become a full time job once he’d been given a brother. There had been something a bit off-putting about seeing such fits of temper and tears coming from a being who looked nearly twenty, but it wasn’t fair to carry such a bias. Yue was a child in emotion, and in temperament, even if he had the ability to function as an adult.

And that’s what he had to keep reminding himself. Yue was a child. He was three months old, newly born. No matter what Latin poetry he was reading, or how perfectly mature his speech or how capable he was with housekeeping or numbers, Yue was. A. child. The same young-minded boy who asks Clow to help braid his hair because he still lacked the ability. Who fought with his brother and was prone to tipping the chessboard over in childish rage when he didn’t know how else to vent his negative emotions yet. Who came to Clow with questions and soft, though prideful smiles, with such love and perfect trust in his eyes…

Clow wondered why he was sipping tea and not whiskey.

Yes, that young creature with a teenager's body, tearing across the lawn to play Catch As Catch Can, long navy tunic flowing around him as he sprinted down the hill, was only 3 months old and Clow felt every moral standing he held to slip and crumble beneath his feet, as he looked at him and saw anything BUT a young, innocent boy.

No, Clow only saw a beautiful young man, with pale skin, long hair trailing at his feet, soft as spun cotton, with a small, flat nose over an often pouting mouth, glistening almond eyes, their shape reminiscent of the East where Clow had grown up but their color foreign to any place he had ever set home. His build as well, was strong and lithe but quite a deal shorter than Clow. He supposed with Eastern magic as his dominion, it made sense he would have an appearance to match. Clow hadn’t planned out the forms of his beings. At least, not consciously. They drew on senses Clow had, on feelings, more so than any solid mental picture. He had, indeed, fully expected to have gifted Kerberos with a little sister three months before. 

Their natures too, weren’t minutely planned, as Clow had a frame to work around, unmovable and rigid. The sun must be first, and he knew the sun would be the more independent of the two, whereas the moon would need to remain close, it very nature one of reflectiveness. His Kerberos was boisterous and fiery, just as he had made him to be. He wanted that in his companion. Someone loud, independent, who could argue and bite and correct him. His Yue, though, was quieter…when not screaming in a tantrum or rivalry or frustration, and seemed happiest just…well, orbiting Clow.

He had made Yue of the moon, knowing full well he would be drawn to Clow, the earth, that he would focus his existence around him. Which had seemed like the proper thing to DO with the moon, at the time, and the only true way to reflect the moon's nature…but it had presented its own issues, and NOT the one Clow was currently facing.

Though that one was becoming more and more pressing. He’s a boy…just a boy. 3 months old…He wondered if he truly could quiet this growing lust if he continued to repeat this.

)o(

He called his children in as the sun began to turn the sky crimson, and the shadow across the lawn grew deeper, and they ran to him obediently.

“Clow, Clow!” Kerberos cried as he bounded towards his maker, “I almost got him to fly today!”

“He didn’t!” Yue’s protests reached his ears, “So don’t let him tell you he did something nice! I climbed up the cotton wood after him and almost fell! He had nothing to do with it!”

“This time?” Clow chuckled as he gathered them both to him, remember the last tree incident where Yue had been physically pushed out. His youngest was just not yet ready to fly.

The two bickered as they were ushered inside, chatting to Clow between half-hearted arguments and insults to one another. 

“Kero is scared of the water,” Yue said in the petulant tone of a pious brother wanting to make himself look better. “We were going to have a swim in the pond near the woods and he wouldn’t even poke a paw in!”

Kerberos scowled from where he had plopped down in the foyer, and crossed his broad leonine arms. “Cats and water don’t MIX, Yue,” he said matter of factly. “It’s nothing to do with being afraid, I just don’t LIKE it.”

Yue puffed his chest out beneath his layered tunic, one hand on his slim hip and an eyebrow raised. “Oh, really? Is that why you nearly clawed my face off and tripped on your own tail when I splashed a handful of water from the fountain at you?”

“Maybe you didn’t hear me under all that hair of yours, so let me repeat; I’m a cat. Cats. Don’t. DO. Water.”

“Oh, I see. Last week you were the great Kerberos, born from the stars of Leo himself, now you’re a pussycat at the hearth.”

Kerberos stuck his tongue out at his younger brother, and Yue, fancying himself too above such juvenile tactics, only narrowed his eyes.

“Master, Kerberos is-“

“Clow, Yue. Clow.” The magician corrected in an instant, tone kind but firm.

“Yes, then, Clow, Kerberos is-“

But whatever complaint Yue had presently, Clow wasn’t listening fully. He had heard them have these same arguments enough that he scarcely had to really play referee anymore.

“Whoever started it,” Clow jumped in hearing familiar cue words, “You can drop it now. And dear Kerberos,” he smirked, and learned down to brush a hand over his dusty, dulled fur, “Water-repellant or not, I’m afraid you need a bath tonight. A proper one.”

Kerberos’s face fell tragically as he plopped his whole weight onto the hardwood floor to whine and resist. Yue, however, looked down at his own clothes, the knee of his trousers and hem of his tunic giving a small idea of the great length of time he had spent outside today.

“I should have one as well,” he said sagely. Being the brother who did not mind bathing. “Ma…Clow? Would you help me wash my hair, please? The gardens are starting to ripen and Kerberos trampled then ate half the strawberry patch, so…” he looked mournfully at his long tail of hair, stained deep pink in more than one place. Yue hated being dirty, but hated being Kerberos’s teased plaything even more, and it took little to goad him into spending the afternoon in rough-housing play, especially during the full moon when he had so much spare energy to burn.

…Clow should have told Yue he was old enough to handle the task on his own. Should have laughingly said he had his own hands full with Kerberos and cleaning his thick mat of fur, but he was selfish, and he was weak, and he did not.

“…Course I will, darling.”

Bareness had never been an issue between the three of the Reed household. Kerberos was a great naked thing apart from his fur, and didn’t understand really the human sensibilities about clothes, save to guard against the cold or the biting sun. In the same vein, Yue had a deep sense of modesty and propriety when it mattered, but to bathe with his brother and his creator was no shame at all. Clow had swum bare with the two of them in the pond more times than he could count, and as for Yue, well…his Master had created his body, had he not? What on God’s earth could he possibly hide from his maker? So it came easily to be that Yue’s clothes were tossed into a woven basket at the door, and he sat upon a little bamboo mat to unbind his long hair as Clow began to run the tap.

Though a house full of sorcerers, the trio lived mostly very simple lives, making due as any other of their class in 1709. Their kitchen ran with a woodburning stove, their house heated by the same method, and the fireplace. In the summer, they kept cool mostly through open windows and lighter clothes. But the bathroom was one place Clow had few qualms expending a little extra magic; a good choice, he thought now, having two boys to keep clean. Well, mostly a Kerberos to keep clean. Their tap ran like most well pumps did, but a firespell around the piping heated the water pleasantly, both at the long, trough like scrubbing sink and the large tub itself. This is where Kerberos made himself at home, padding in while the water was still shallow. They had once thought it more practical to scrub him first, as they scrubbed themselves, but his dense fur was far lighter and easier to clean while completely submerged.

While Kero groused and prissed his paws daintily through the water, Yue was quite content to fill the sink with warm water and a pleasant smelling oil.

Clow, meanwhile, was struggling with an internal battle at the door, still, where he stood hating himself. It was true, that nakedness had never been a problem in their home. He had no anxieties of Kero’s eyes on himself, and it was he who had breathed life into Yue’s bare body, taught the man to bathe himself, how to dress himself. Yet somewhere between then and now, as loneliness stirred something so near the surface of the magician’s being…

He would bathe later, on his own, he decided firmly. He kept his long robe on, but tucked the sleeves up into a roll, out of the way, and complied with Yue’s request to help wash. The only practical way to go about giving his hair a scrub was to soak the more than 8 feet of it into gently-soaped water, the rinse it by pouring basins of warm water all down his head…the effect had once been almost comic, as the newborn guardian sputtered and shook from the water drenching his thin form, but again, at sometime in the last three months, it had instead turned into an opportunity for voyeurism, to watch how the water saturated and darkened his silvery hair, bringing out the soft lilac tones, how, sodden, it clung to every form of his body that would ordinarily be covered. Not to mention how his skin would glimmer in the candle-light when wet…Yes, Clow was glad he’d chosen to keep his robes on.

Kerberos started in on his volley of complaints almost right away. “Clooow, wash me first,” he grumped, his head sticking over the brim of their sunken-in tub. . Clow saw Yue’s shoulders shake with laughter, and even he couldn’t help but snicker.

“Kerberos, you always look so forlorn and pitiful in the tub!” Clow shot at him, and it was true. His fur clung to him lankly, diminishing his size by a surprising amount and clumping like a homeless man’s beard. 

“I am forlorn and pitiful!” he cried out, and Yue made a noise of agreement in the back of his throat. “Not THAT sort of pitiful, Yue!” he bit.

“Well you said it,” Yue defended calmly, eyebrows raised delicately. “Well, Master said it, and you agreed. Who am I to disagree with the both of you?”

“You mean how you disagree with Kerberos on everything from the color of his fur to who, exactly, left the ink stains on the floor for me to find? And it’s Clow, Yue. Clow.”

“Yes, Clow,” Yue nodded obediently but in the quick, dismissive way that said this lesson, once again, wasn’t going to stick. “But that’s different. Kerberos is a liar, and a tattletale, and simply likes being contrary.”

“And Yue likes being a suck-up!” Kerberos hollers back, not minding the haughty glare his brother shot back at him. “Yeah yeah keep glaring! You don’t look so tough right now! The great majestic Yue, borne from the moon, lookin’ like a drown rat!” And he disappeared over the tiled edge of the tub to giggle madly at his own tongue. 

Yue held his head high, and Clow thought he looked about as dignified as anyone could, sitting on a three legged stool, naked as all and hair full of suds. Dignified, slim, beautiful…

Maybe he’d make his bath a cold one.

)o(

Evening brought a cooking lesson for Yue, who was picking up the art amazingly well, a dinner of blanched vegetables and dumplings, and a few quiet hours before bed to be spent in the library. Clow’s library was the true hearth of his home; literally, with a large, ornate and well-warming fireplace, and as the center of their domestic life. The largest room in the house, it soared as high as the second floor, with a loft balcony running it in two vertically, with large windows letting in the evening sun if the drapes weren’t puled against the warm glare. Limitless expanses of shelves housed books of every sort and in too many languages to categorize properly. Arithmancy and spells and history, poetry and sonnets and prose. Large illustrated volumes of fairytales shared their shelves with biology texts and Bibles. Likewise, many shelves held, instead, games, puzzle boxes to toy with, and any number of trinkets that both told of fond travels, cherished gifts, or random novelties to entertain his two boys. Yue was undoubtedly the calmer of the two, and spent much of his time studying or reading, but his mind was young, thirsty for amusement as much as knowledge. 

This evening, he has planted himself near the fire with Kerberos, to play checkers, one of the few board games Kerberos could manage with his beastly claws. Clow looked on from his desk, praying silently that Yue didn’t have another fit of temper and upend the entire board again. Though more mature than his twin, even from birth, and far less impulsive, he was also prone to emotional outbursts. Were Kerberos was always larger than life and carrying on and whining about one thing or another, Yue was generally reserved and contemplative. But every now and then, more often than Clow would hope, Yue would lose himself to an emotional burst of tears or screaming and even violence.

Kero, it seemed, remembered his last episode well. “At least checkers don’t have any sharp edges,” he called out as he demanded Yue king his black playing piece. “I nearly ended up with a bishop’s cross embedded in my head!”

As Yue glowered at his twin, Clow chuckled, making a few more marks on his account book. “No, Kero, that was the time before. Last time was when he tried to shove pawns in your ears…maybe you two oughtn’t play Chess for a while…”

“Not my fault Kerberos cheats,” Yue groused and moved a red checker forward. “He thinks I can’t see what he’s doing with his great bloody paws large enough to cover most of the board but I do!”

“Hey, don’t blame my skills for your temper!” the lion huffed. His tail flicked back and forth pleasantly at this familiar exchange of verbal bites and snarls. “You get so pissy and moody over the smallest things! I suppose I should’ve expected as much from the Moon!”

“The moon,” Yue began primly, “Is a beautiful thing of poetry and song and romance.”

“Yeah, and it’s also responsible for lunatics and werewolves,” Kero chuckled. At his desk, Clow ducked his head, hoping the light near him was dim enough to hide his budding laughter. Yue didn’t seem to notice it but Kero did, and addressed their maker next. 

“Clow? Isn’t it the moon that makes women go all crazy every month?”

Clow almost choked on his own spit, and try as he might, couldn’t hold in the bark of laughter that welled in his throat. He took his glasses off to shake his head fondly, and try to will away the red flush form his cheeks.

“K...Kerberos, I don’t think “lunar” is quite the cycle you’re thinking of there,” he offered with another chuckle. 

Kero shrugged, in the queer way his feline shoulders could. “Still works the same. And I think he DOES get worse on the new moon!”

“…You know, my friend, that is true,” Clow couldn’t disagree, having begun to notice the same pattern himself. Oh Yue would kill him for providing his brother with this ammunition, but it was true, and simply too funny to be able to lie about believably.

“Ha!” Kero burst out, and fell back to roll about on the rug, his belly heaving with giggles. “I knew it! I knew Yue was really a lady! He gets all angry and emotional once a month, and he LOOKS like a girl, Clow!”

‘Then apparently you weren't looking as closely as I was in the bath,’ Clow thought in a moment of sobriety from his laughter, his collar growing even warmer at the memory. He shook his head again, trying to clear it but succeeding only in causing his hair to come undone from its tie.

“Kerberos, you are so harsh on your baby brother,” he admonished with a grin. “You just remember it is Yue who has opposable thumbs.”

“And also remember it is *I* who will be cooking dinner on my own next week,” Yue said with a cold grin, savoring the power he knew he would wield over his brother once that chore became his alone. “Let’s see, I think chili shrimp would be nice, or we could try sushi, with wasabi. Oh, or perhaps Indian! Or spiced German food!”

Kero continued to howl, but with pain now, and not laughter, holding his stomach at the thought of so many spices and peppers in his food. It was Yue’s turn to laugh, and Clow’s insides melted. Yue did not laugh often, scoffs not counting, but his voice was so beautiful when he did so. His gentle alto sang when he was especially joyful (or, as it currently was, vengeful), and his eyes almost shut form his smiling, only a sliver of lilac showing behind his pale lashes. Wearing a thin dressing gown, Clow could see how the action rippled down his sides, hos his stomach pulled taught, how his loose, unbound hair swayed…

Clow hated himself right then, just as he hated himself when he watched the boy in the bath, or playing outside in the gardens. He was but three. Months. Old. Mature, yes, and intelligent, he could converse on so many topics, he was picking up Chinese as adeptly as he was his first tongue of English, he could understand the rudiments of most books Clow offered him, but his age just could not be ignored. He didn’t have the life experience yet to form any deeper understanding or opinion on much of what he read, and always looked to Clow for explanations for how anything in those pages applied to him, applied to the real world. He had understood, for example, what a bathroom was, what bathing was, soap, but he still had to be shown, had to be taught, how to wash himself, how to tend to his hair and face in the morning, how to manage a pair of chopsticks or exactly WHAT the text had meant by “fire burns when you touch it”. He knew what fire was, but he had no understanding of “burn” until he’d tried to touch the fireplace grate. 

He was naiive, and, more importantly than anything, innocent. His physical age didn’t matter, nor did his intellect or maturity. To even ask him, to even approach him in any sort of beckoning way wasn’t a thought Clow could realistically fathom. He wouldn’t even understand. The most he knew would have come from running across passages in his books, and Clow doubted he had anything in his collection that would be able to make the subject something learnable through its texts. He may have found enough medical writing to understand human biology, or have read of passion from love poems or sonnets, but he would never have the emotionally ability at this age to truly understand it…

And before he could stop it, Clow wondered at the possibility of Yue coming to him with just those very questions. He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to will away the budding fantasy, of questioning eyes and an innocent voice asking to understand, asking Clow to put idioms and allusions and lofty verses into literal teachings he could understand and God what would Clow even tell him, or…or would he even use word-

“No!”

…The magician hadn’t realized he had admonished himself out loud until his creature paused in their game to look at his strangely.

“…Master?”

Clow peered over his glasses at Kerberos and Yue, who themselves exchanged curious glances, and took a shuddering breath.

“Forgive me boys,” he said quietly. “I dozed off at my desk, it seems. I was up very late last night-“ daydreaming. Hating myself. “Reading. I think I ought to head to bed early tonight.”

Both nodded simply, and accepted the answer without question. He stood, and gave Kerberos a warm, deep scratching massage to the back of his neck and a pat to tell him goodnight, and turned to a calmly waiting but expectant Yue, wanting his own attention as well.

He prayed Yue wouldn’t feel the heat on his face as he held his creation in embrace, reminding himself in a silent scream that this was chaste, innocent, a fathers affection to his son, even as he let himself kiss the young man goodnight on the cheek. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, how could he allow himself even that, when Yue looked at him with such pleased purple eyes so full of every ounce of adoration and trust and…

Clow knew he’d be up again most of the night.

)o(

Clow slept very little indeed, too busy mourning a cold and empty bed and filling his stomach with sick self loathing. Maybe he needed to visit one of the “Houses” in town. Perhaps he had simply been without company for too long. That sort of loneliness could be very real…though he doubted it would offer much of a real respite, when beautiful temptation slept only one hallway down. Was this some form of conceit? After all, had he not fashioned Yue, formed his body with his own magic and will? It is true, that he did not have control over every detail; magic had to draw from something. He could not create a soul from nothing. His beings were formed from the very deepest essence of sun and moon. Kerberos could be nothing but powerful, dominant, light, aggressive, assertive, yang. And Yue, as yin, was to be at his very core passive, yielding, cold and, indeed, feminine. The sun made its own fire, but the moon could not, Clow knew that when he made his Moon guardian. He knew they would be, by their very nature, in need of Clow’s support and strength, and would reflect his magic and be unable to make their own. But Yue’s beauty, his intelligence...how much of that had been Clow’s own hand?

He tossed again, as sun began to wipe the ink of night from the sky, and finally gave up on sleeping, deciding he would make due with these few hours.

The day passed calmly enough, as did the day after. His newly found unholy desires aside, their life was a peaceful routine, as he thought their growing minds needed. Always new things to learn, yes, but never too much at once. Evening and afternoon lessons, Time for Kero to stretch his great wings, to pounce and stretch his animalistic natures on the small grasshoppers and millers that darted about the grounds. Once he had even brought them home a rabbit for dinner, much to Yue’s horror. Yue, as of yet unable to fly, spent this time reading, or setting himself to piano practice, or some other task he could manage alone. He’d picked up many small skills on his own this way.

Nearly a week passed, and with enough cold baths, Clow was able to function at a more or less normal level, until that Sunday. Sunday, Clow Reeds world unraveled at its core.

He had forgotten the new moon was centered that Sunday.  
)o(

Yue hated the new moon. Master said its effects would not reach him as deeply once he was older, and stronger, but that was so achingly far away for Yue, when in the meantime he had to spend a handful of days each month tired, lethargic and bitter. He was unable to make any magic on his own, he had been taught as his magical ABC’s, whereas Kerberos and Clow could. He, as the moon, had nothing within him to make such a living thrum on his own, and he was dependent on an outside source. Three, to be exact. Primarily, was Clow. Was Master, whose magic was fed to him through the unseverable bond they shared. He provided him with the sort of magic that was the base of what he WAS, for he wasn’t borne of flesh and blood but magic and Moon. Without his Masters power, he would unravel, and be undone. In essence, he would die. That Magic was the foundation he was built on. It built his bones and flowed through his blood.

This was the magic that the moon pulled and released. The full moon gleaming overhead acted like a conductor, or a floodgate. The more light it shone to him, the more of his Masters power he could accept. Master had explained it that, the moon’s light made for him a sort of basket, and the more light that shone, the larger his basket could be woven, and the stronger it was.

Lastly, of course, there was the Sun. Kerberos. While it was Clow and his sun magic that provided him with the essence of his life and power, he was, after all, the Moon, and the moon needed the sun. Without the brother he was created to mirror, Yue, his Master had said, would lose much of his active magic. He would still have it, there would still be that power running through him, but without the stronger and bolder of the twins to reflect, Yue would be a blank glass with nothing to mimic. 

This was the most simple and rudimentary information Yue could possibly conceive, and it was as perfectly a part of his identity as the fact that his eyes were purple and he was a male. Clows magic gave him life and sorcery. The moon controlled how strongly he could receive that power, and Kerberos as the sun gave him something to reflect, a being to be balance for. 

Yue felt very pleased, and very special. Kero could boast about his sun magic, about the sheer strength of his powers, and the convenience of not having to deal with the malaise of magic’s ebb and flow. He too needed Clow’s magic, but not nearly to the same extent. He could make his own power to suffice, and physically, could extract energy from food, whereas Yue could eat only for pleasure. His brother was indeed stronger in the sense of force of power and independence and show, but Yue wouldn’t have it that way if given the choice. He felt his place was a very special one. Being woven between so many power apexes of magic and elements pleased him, and fit his nature. He was Yin, after all, dominion over water and night and all such association. He supposed his ‘white dot’ was his stoicism and stubbornness. Whereas Kerberos was easy going and fluid, Yue was yielding, in accordance with his nature, but was very seldom fluid, what with his temper and stubborn pride. But that was simply another part of the beautiful cosmic balance he was so intertwined with.

…Even still, the pride came with the burden of the new moon, and he couldn’t help the tiniest pinch of envy that day, seeing his brother take to the skies with such raw muscle and strength, not slowed down in the least by even the cloudiest or rainiest of days.

Yue sat below, under the shade of the same cottonwood tree he had twice fallen from, and...didn’t sulk, nor seethe green, but lamented the tiredness of his body. There was simply not enough moonlight to keep his spirits up, and he was feeling just…tired. And unmotivated. The sun streaming through the broad green leaves above was comforting, and drew him drowsily to lie upon the spot of grass he’d taken as his own. His eyes slipped closed, but he did not sleep. He wasn’t sleepy, just physically less than his best. A lie down was what he wanted right now, ears still picking up the delighted roars of Kerberos as he startled the living hell out of a pair of starlings. He looked forward to taking to the skies himself, when he was stronger...this too, Master said would happen in its own time as he grew older and stronger. Another thing he simply didn’t want to wait for, but supposed it would teach him patience.

Hm. It was warm, and with the light breeze whispering through the leaves, the grass, perhaps a nap could be-

“Good afternoon, Yue.”

All thoughts of tiredness and sleep left once Masters voice reached his ears. His eye shot open, and he found himself staring upside-down at Clow, a smiling face atop an oddly angled mass of pale green robes. Eagerly, Yue scurried to his feet, a hurried action, yet already showing the fluidity and grace his body was acquiring the more he became acquainted with his limbs and muscles. 

“Master,” he greeted cheerfully, though with a reserved and respectful voice. Clow sighed good naturedly and corrected, “Clow, my Yue. Clow.”

“Yes, Clow.” He replied obediently, and the magician had to wonder how long it would be before that finally stuck. He knew Yue was trying to be respectful, but Master…called to mind images of slaves, or indentured servants. His creations were neither, and never would be. 

“Are you and Kerberos having fun?”

Yue nodded, indicating the book he had been immersing himself in. “Kerberos is being mean; he’s been up there all day and won’t come down. It’s not fair, because I can’t fly!”

Clow nodded sympathetically, and indicated for Yue to sit down with him. “I know, but you’ll be up there soon enough. Took Kerberos quite a while to fly, remember. You weren't born yet, but it’s true. It might just take you a little longer with how your magic ebbs and flows.”

“Like today,” Yue said long suffering, and leaned heavily against Clow.

It was an innocent and affectionate gesture. One Yue had made countless times. Once he had learned the boundaries of personal space, he still asked for these moments of contact. Hugs, warm hands, sitting shoulder to shoulder. On rare occasions for a particularly fitful nightmare or bout of frustrated tears, Clow would hold him tenderly, head against his chest and hands petting through his hair…for oh so many reasons, he had tried to discourage such contact recently, but how was he to deny him? Push him away?

So instead, he indulged, and went to tangle his fingers though Yue’s unbound hair, wanting to brush through it, wanting to spoil himself, sure he could keep it innocent. He had been doing so well…

But once his fingertips brushed over Yue’s brow, he faltered, suddenly physically aware of what he had vaguely sensed all day.

“Yue…it’s the new moon tonight, isn’t it,” he breathed, and the moon guardian nodded pitifully against the hollow of his shoulder.

“Yes, and I’m tired,” he sulked, nuzzling against Clow’s robes, which smelled pleasantly of candles and the library. 

Clow swallowed the lump in his throat…that explained his “good” week, then. Without Yue drawing so heavily on his magic, he himself was stronger. Perhaps that had given him to boost of willpower to not look upon his boy with lust and painful desire…yet now, the day of the new moon's completion, Yue felt small and frail in his arms, whereas he was alive, his veins thrumming his so much of his own magic…

“…you’ll feel better as soon as tomorrow,” he reminded gently, trying to keep the wavering crack out of his voice. “As soon as the moon begins to birth again.”

“I know,” Yue’s voice said with reluctant admission. “But I dislike feeling like this." and he leaned more heavily against his master, enjoying the rarity of having his attention all to himself as Kerberos landed not far off to go about chasing butterflies merrily.

Clow too was relishing this, but with far less pure emotions. Yue on a new moon was hardly weak, but he was at his lowest strength, and how trusting and needy he lay his head against his master, wanting his touch, wanting the comfort he could offer…which Clow was guiltily willing to give.

Three months old suddenly didn’t seem so young. He was a whole three months old, and very learned and mature. And his body was not that of a child. His physicality was fully grown, 18, 19, every bit as beautiful as his youthful appurtenance should be…

A chill ran through Clow as sweat began to break out on hi brow and the back of his neck. And as Yue finally decided to lay his head across Clow’s thigh. The way he looked up at him, with reverence, with love, with naive adoration…he trusted the magician with his life, and Clow knew it.

“…Yue, you are…very beautiful,” Clow breathed, wondering if his voice could even carry over the whisper of the grass.

Yue’s face glowed a soft pink at the compliment, but he did not turn his face away.

“Thank you, Master,” he smiled gently. “But, it was you who made me so.”

He said it so matter of factly that Clow couldn’t help but chuckle, despite the way his heart was beginning to race. He felt suddenly heavily aware of the magic surging through him, already powerful on its own, but...it had been considerably dampened since Yue’s creation, with how heavily he drew on Clow’s sorcery for his every breath of life. And simultaneously, he was aware of how magically weak the young man on his lap currently was. It would have little bearing on his physical strength, but he could simply feel the loss of magic flowing through his skin, contrasting with how much radiated from his own…

Yue must have been able to feel it as well, for he kept nuzzling closer, or reaching up to brush his hands over Clow’s wrist, or to play his fingers through Clow’s black hair…innocent, playful, Yue had no idea what torment he was causing the older man, as he lay so peacefully on his thigh, hair trailing heavily across his lap.

“I think you are very beautiful too, Master.”

Clow felt his resolve shatter in that very moment. He felt almost suffocated by the heat of robes; loose and flowing as they were, they constricted him, and he wanted to claw them off, get air on his now sweat-soaked back. His mouth ran dry, and his pulse raced even quicker.

“Y...Yue, sit up. I want you to come inside with me.”

Such a simple command. Yue would think nothing of it. He obeyed instantly, curious, but no suspicion at all in his eyes. Clow stood shakily, feeling almost lightheaded, and gave Yue a motion that meant to stay for a moment.

“Kerberos,” He called, willing his voice to not waver. “Yue and I are going to be studying. Please stay outside a while longer, unless you want to be set to studying letters again.”

Kerberos didn’t look over, but his fake gagging was enough of an answer. He wouldn’t be coming inside anytime soon, then.

Good…g...good, then.

He turned around, his heartbeat rushing through his ears, and took Yue’s hand, guiding him inside. His hand felt so much smaller than his own, and smoother, not calloused from decades of work…

“What lessons are we having, Clow?” Yue asked curiously, and eagerly. He enjoyed learning, was always seeking out new things to fill his mind with on his own. 

Clow couldn’t’ answer. His throat felt tight and dry as sandpaper. He just gripped Yue’s hand tighter, and tried to smile reassuringly at him…this extra magic swirled through his chest, adding to the unsteady, light feeling. “Just come with me, Yue.”

He nodded. That was all. He had no sense of anything bad…not that anything bad was going to happen, Clow’s inner voice said in an odd frenzy. Not bad. Not wrong. Yue loved him, after all, and he loved his Yue very deeply. He would ask about this soon enough anyway… 

The door closed behind them softly, and Yue looked around. He had been in Master’s room many times before. They had shared a bed when he was very young. He enjoyed that, very fondly. He had trouble sleeping at first, especially during the night, and Master nearby helped to sooth him. He stood patiently, the posture of one listening, alert, and awaiting orders. Just as a guardian should.

“…Yue.” Clow released the breath he’d been holding on his name, looking over him, eyes raking across his thin body. He hadn’t bound his hair back today, intending to be lazy, and Clow admired how it lay softly around him, coiling at his feet. It was easily his most beautiful feature.

“Yue…you really don’t know how beautiful you are,” he sighed painfully, feeling for the lock, again making sure it was secured. “I didn’t make you like this. I’m not such a skilled artist as this.” He closed the gap between the two, and with each step his chest tightened and hurt, as though iron hands were being fastened securely around his ribs. “You’re just…perfect.”

Yue smiled politely, but dipped his head down as his face went flush. Clow…that almost made him angry. Why did he insist on turning away from him?

With an unusual boldness for the magician, he reached out, wrapped his fingers tightly around Yue’s jaw and bade him to tip his head back up, to look at him.

“Don’t hide from me,” he commanded.

Yue’s stomach flipped, and he obeyed instantly, turning his eyes, training them entirely on Clow. No shame, no wavering, only the look of pure love.

Clow hated himself for this last week, and something prickling in the back of his head said he would want to die over this tomorrow, but for now, the rage of magic thrashing through him, his own lust, loneliness, and knowing...knowing that Yue would not deny him, there was simply not enough reasons for him to fight. Fighting hurt, especially right now. Especially as he stooped down to kiss the being he had brought into creation.

Yue held still, unsure, confused, being presented with something he had no hope of understanding, as his Master kissed him. It wasn’t like he hadn't kissed them both before, but never in this manner. Sweet kisses against their cheeks or foreheads. This seemed something…new, he supposed, and he let Clow carry on with it. If it was how Clow wanted to tell him he loved him, he was welcome, and savored having his master so, so close to him. Just them, just the two. 

When he pulled back, Yue noticed how red his face was becoming, and his neck, but he didn’t even know what questions to ask. He would have inquired if he was feeling ill, and if he should go make him tea, but he hadn’t the time, as he found himself pushed back harshly to fall over the edge of Clow’s bed, and landed heavily on his back.

“Mast…Clow?” he queried gently. It was too early in the day to be sleeping, and he hadn’t shared a bed with Clow in many many weeks now. 

Clow was quiet, as his hands went to Yue’s throat, to undo the tidy knotted buttons that held his shirt closed. He was quiet as he ran his fingers down the front of Yue’s pale, narrow throat, down his chest.

“…Master?” Yue tried again, beginning to worry. Not over himself. He was not scared. He was never scared of anything Clow would do. But he wasn’t acting himself…

“Shhhh,” Clow finally hushed the boy, pressed a finger to Yue’s lips. “Yue, hush…I love you, Yue. Please forgive me…”

)o(

Yue was warm, wrapped tightly in Clow’s blankets and bed sheets, surrounded in his Master’s scent, in his magic. He room was bright, with so much sun streaking through the pale curtains, and almost stifling from both the July weather, and the heat radiating from Clow as sat just a hand's breadth away.

Neither had spoken a word in the last half hour, not since Clow had pulled away from him, and wrapped him in the sheets. Clow seemed to have retreated to a very deep part of his mind; he had that look to him, of nearly closed eyes looking at nothing, brows furrowed. Yue didn’t want to disturb him by trying to break through that wall, even when there was so much he wanted to ask…

He pulled the sheets just a little tighter. Despite the heat, he was bare beneath the covers, and he never slept bare. It felt…strange, to have the linen sheets against his naked skin, but Master seemed to not be bothered by it. He had one knee pulled up, and the sheets crumpled in his lap as though hiding himself. Which was…well, an odd thing to do, in Yue’s opinion, considering…

He had a vague idea of what happened. Like when Clow had first bade him to eat, or given him tea, the idea and sensations were something he could hear the words for and conjure up a foggy notion of what it implied, but no practical, physical understanding. Was…was this lovemaking, then? The poetry he’d filled his head with had painted some such picture. The words had left a dash of a picture here, a streak of color there, enough that he could align the idea of form against what was transpired. Two as one, whispers of love, kisses and soft touches…pretty versus filled with romance, but nothing that had held any true teaching substance. And the old physicians text he had read to learn about how he was constructed had not…hadn’t…he didn’t understand. It seemed very similar, but he wasn’t a...a woman…

Minutes ticked by, and still Clow sat retreated into his own world. Yue felt he was supposed to say something…feeling so helpless was not a feeling that suited him. He knew he was young and his powers immature, but his role was of protector, was it not? Being so…ignorant did not bode well with that image if himself. But…where was he supposed to begin?

It was another fifteen minutes before Clow opened his mouth to speak, and even then, rather than the smooth, lilting voice Yue was so use to, his Master sounded dry and croaky.

“I’m…I’m going to draw you a bath, Yue,” 

Yue nodded, unable to find his own voice, and watched Clow cross to his wash room. Their main bath was off from the kitchen, but Clow had a simple tub in a small room adjacent to his. Yue lie still, and watched him pull on his drawers and under-robe…his Master walked without any of his usual confidence or bounce. Indeed, he seemed almost…lost, still, his steps misbalanced and almost staggering. He watched him disappear into the wash room, and moments later heard the taps turn on, the gushing sound of water a comforting one. A bath. That sounded nice. That was familiar, and Yue felt…like he needed to soak. He was sweaty, and…just...needed to bathe. 

Clow re-emerged, and Yue noticed their eyes met for only a moment before Clow flickered his away, just as he had scolded Yue for doing an hour earlier.

“Come on, Yue. Let’s…let’s get you cleaned up, alright?”

Yue made a small Hm as a yes, and slowly undid himself from the cocoon. It wasn’t the chill of the air he dreaded, for it was almost hot. Rather, moving was…unpleasant, right now. His back ached, and he simply...hurt. 

Master must have noted the stiff way he moved out of bed, because his gaze became, if possible, even further downcast. Being shorter than he, Yue could still see how pale his complexion was growing.

“Um…the warm water will help,” he whispered, taking Yue’s hand again, just as he had when he lead him up here to begin with. “I…I’m sorry, Yue. I tried to be slow, so it wouldn’t hurt…” he trailed off as his voice hitched, nearly cracked, and Yue could only nod vaguely. Of course Clow wouldn’t want to hurt him, why would he even need to explain that? He assumed naturally that lovemaking must simply involve a manner of discomfort. 

“I…I know, Master,” Yue assured him quietly, his voice a little unsure, still, but without fear. “Um…maybe next time it won’t at all.”

He couldn’t see Clow’s face, but he could sense the nausea that rolled through him, and Yue immediately tensed. Clow wasn’t normally like this…had he done something wrong? He...didn’t know much, about what they had done, but Clow had spoken to him often, told him what to do, what he wanted, and Yue thought he had complied as well as he could…He…he could do better next time, if this was indeed lovemaking. If Clow wanted to ask this of him, then he would learn, just as he was learning to cook and to fly.

Clow shut off the tap, and told Yue to step in. It didn’t go unnoticed by Yue that Clow wouldn’t look at him. He did as he was asked, and lowered himself slowly into the tub, hissing slightly as the hot water lapped across raw skin, but the pain was only momentary, and he tried to be quiet, so Clow wouldn’t fret more. He was fine, it only stung a bit. He didn’t turn around to look at him again until he was sure Yue was up to his waist in the tub’s water, and even then, Yue could see how quickly Clow’s tired eyes darted around.

…”Clow?” Yue called softly in Clow’s preferred name, and with a slight start, Clow responded with a gentle smile. One Yue could see was wavering at the corners….was Clow trying not to cry? Had he really done so poorly? He gulped, and cleared his throat, searching for words, yet hoping it would be Master who would speak next. Yue felt his age very heavily right now, himself so young and uneducated while his Master was older, so strong, and so wise. 

“….I’m here, Yue. I’m going to get you some fresh clothes.” He left a bit of cloth and a wire cut chunk of soap on the small lacquered table near the tub, “You…you wash up. Dry when you’re done, but stay in here. I’ll be right back.”

Yue nodded to show he understood, but still couldn’t block the disappointment and confusion he felt watching Clow’s back walk out of the room. He said he was going to get him a change of clothes, and that sounded fine…but Clow didn’t. He didn’t sound alright at all. Feeling heavy, and not just from the deep water of the tub, Yue reached for the cloth, lathered it with the pale yellow soap, and did as he’d been told. It helped immensely, to wipe away the sweat, to clean his face and hands and his legs. There was no shame to wash away; Yue had no sense of such a thing tied to what had occurred. It was purely a physical comfort of one who preferred to be clean. And Clow had been right; the hot water, steam wafting from the top, eased the cramping in his legs, and his other pains. 

Once the plug from the tub was pulled and the water swirled away with a layer of foam, he wrapped himself in a towel, gently patting himself dry. It was a quick tas, as he hadn’t even gotten his hair wet, and he sat and waited for Clow.

And waited.

It took nearly half an hour for him to return, and when he did, Yue noticed, but did not comment, on Clow’s freshly scrubbed face. He assumed that was why the skin was so red there; he shouldn’t have used such hot water. 

“Here you are, Yue,” he offered, lying his clothes out for him on the counter. He too was now wearing clean robes. “Put...put these on. I’ll wait for you out here.”

Yue dressed, quietly and quickly, eager to be near his Master again, to have this whole thing explained to him in a way he could better understand. It was starting to grow dark outside; Kerberos would be back from his frolic soon, and he didn’t WANT him back yet. Not when he selfishly felt he should have Clow to himself right now. He found his creator sitting on the edge of his bed, and Yue immediately slipped silently to his side, and stood before him. His head bowed respectfully, he couldn’t help but flicker his eyes up questioningly.

“M…Master?” he prompted gently.

When Clow finally looked up, Yue was relieved to see some of Clow’s usual coloring return to his face. His eyes as well, such a lovely blue, weren’t rimmed with scarlet now. This already brought comfort to the young Guardian.

“Yue…” Clow breathed, and his face continued to soften; Yue allowed himself a small and polite smile, wanting to encourage Clow past whatever was still troubling him so deeply. When Clow’s hand reached up to cup his cheek and stroke down his jaw, he felt all his tension melt from him. “Yue…you are a beautiful, lovely young man, and your Master is a very weak one.”

…That…was not what he wanted to hear from Clow’s lips, such wretched self-degradation. It wasn’t right for him to say such untrue things about himself, but he couldn’t very well interrupt him as he continued to speak.

“I am a weak man, and I hope that you can forgive me,” he continued with a heavily braced voice. “I don’t even know what to say to you right now, my Yue. I keep looking for words and I can find nothing satisfactory. I want you to go to your room, work on your studies. Come down for dinner, then go back upstairs for bed. Tomorrow, go about your day as you would, but please Yue, just…stay in your room tonight. Rest. Go to sleep early.”

Yue slowly nodded at this order, more than ready to comply, but confused about the reasons why. Not that he truly needed a reason for obedience; it came naturally to him. But it was very unlike Clow to make requests with no explanation. He bowed his head to acknowledge he would do as he was asked, and turned to leave the room; he wasn’t expecting to feel Clow’s broad hand around his wrist, stopping him leaving, nor was he expecting to be brought back to be held against Clow’s chest. But it was so entirely welcome. He felt Master’s sinuous, strong arms around him, around his narrow shoulders, and let his face be pressed against the hollow of Clow’s shoulder; he enjoyed being more than a head shorter than his maker, being smaller. He could be held like this.

Clow’s lips laid a quick, chaste kiss to his hair, and he heard Clow say, “Yue, do something for me. Do not mention what has happened to your brother, please. Don’t…don’t tell him yet.”

“Is this something secret?” Yue wanted to know, and Clow laughed tiredly.

“…Something like that, Yue. Something like that.”

)o(

Yue did as he was told that night, and stayed in his room. He expected to dine with Clow that night, but while dinner was laid out, it was only Kerberos who awaited him.

“Clow’s up in his private study,” Kero filled in his little brother as he sat down beside him on the table’s long bench seat. “Said he had to get some research done before the end of the month.”

Yue nodded, filling his bowl with sprouts. It was a perfectly acceptable story, and very often true. This wasn’t the first night the boys had been left to dine on their own as Clow took supper in his study to work longer. Kerberos certainly had no idea anything odd was going on. Yue sat and listened about the flight Kerberos had, the starlings he had chased, and the pelican that had made a chase of him.

“But don’t worry little brother,” Kerberos soothed not unkindly. “You’ll learn soon enough!”

Yue wondered if his face truly betrayed his inner stress so deeply that even Kerberos needed to offer a moment of comfort. He forced a smile to his face, and nodded.

Truthfully, his brain couldn’t be further away from his heretofore unproductive wings. It was upstairs, with Clow, in his study. Was he lonely? Were his shoulders still hunched over under a weight Yue did not understand? If…lovemaking was supposed to bring a pair closer together, wasn’t it? He believe the words he often read in the poetry were enraptured, bliss, eternal, love…and he loved his Master very, very much. He longed to go upstairs to see him, instinct wanting to sooth away his Master's distress, yet he was been ordered to stay away from the night, and he would. Even if the pain it caused him was far worse than any physical discomfort he had faced that afternoon.

)o(

Days passed, and while a semblance of routine and normalcy returned to their home, Yue couldn’t help but feel a certain chill between him and Clow. He practiced his studies, was given lessons along with Kerberos, had their afternoons in the garden, the three of them. Clow laughed, he teased, he taught and worked as ever, but seemed to be avoiding any direct, personal interaction with the moon, which was...vexing to Yue, to say the least. And confusing. Was this somehow normal? Or, if it was abnormal, why? Had he done something wrong? Surely their Master, understanding as he was, couldn’t blame him for poorly doing something he had never been taught…

Most of all, it left Yue feeling lonely. Clow had never been shy with affection, always layering the both of them in warm hands, soft kisses, belly scratches for Kerberos. And while it seemed to Yue that hadn’t changed for his sun beast Brother, Clow hadn’t laid a finger on his since he’d sent him away three days prior. Frankly, it was distressing. Yue was not good about sitting around and doing nothing while a problem existed, and this problem was particularly straining. How could he fix something he didn’t even know well enough to identify? Should he simply demand an answer from Clow? …No. That thought was too brash. Perhaps he could find the answer in the library…

Yue was not the only one who had noticed the shift in their household. Kerberos was not the most perceptive of the group. He filled his stomach far more heavily than he filled his mind, but he was also not daft by any means. He had spent over a year with his Maker, far, FAR longer than Yue, and he could tell almost immediately something was amiss. That wasn’t too odd though. Stressed over some spell or another, he assumed, which would work itself out in a day or two and he’d be back to normal.

But then he noticed Yue. His baby brother usually acted like he was sitting on sandpaper, that was true. Yue could be teasing and playful, as much as Kerberos at times, but by nature he was a thinker, a worrier, and often looked like he had thinking way too hard about something. But the last couple days had been different; Yue seemed to be spending most of his time up in his bedroom, surrounded by his books and practice sheets. That wasn’t entirely unlike him, but with Yue’s unusual behavior, and Clow’s unusual behavior, even Kerberos could tell something was going on.

He just hoped he was wrong as to what.

Kerberos, Lion of the Sun, Guardian Beast, was no fool. He was spacey, and lazy, and sometimes a bit oblivious, but he was not stupid and it couldn’t be said he couldn’t be sharp and perceptive when he knew a situation called for serious thinking. It also could not be said he hadn’t noticed a change in Clow the last few months. He loved the old Magician crackpot that he was, too fond of games and mischief and practical jokes to be any sort of decent sorcerer, it seemed but somehow was. He knew Clow was at his base a good man, but he was also one who had enjoyed his youth a bit too much, from Clow’s own admittance. A little too much drink, a few too many ladies. Even now, Kerberos had had a night or two when he pretended not to notice that Clow didn’t come home, or at least, didn’t come home alone.

But he had been unable to believe the looks he gave Yue were anything of the same variety. He had seen them, oh yes he had. He had seen Clow looking at them out the window as they played outside. At first he thought it cute; he was looking out for them! But as time went on, he couldn’t help but make note that it seemed to only be Yue his eyes were trained on. That it was Yue his gaze followed as they swam in the pond. Yes, Kerberos had noticed the flush that went about his Master’s face recently as Yue would walk about unabashedly bare, having no need to cover himself before family. 

Kerberos was not human. He didn’t not see human form as a man would, but his brain was far more man than it was beast and, unlike Yue, he had been around enough company, been to enough magically-attended parties, to know. Little brother was a looker, and had no idea. Nor was he aware that the grace and poise he was growing into was something other humans would notice. Kero had just hoped Clow wouldn’t notice either. 

He hope he was wrong, but with Yue so withdrawn, and Clow so forlorn…well. He wasn’t one for indecision. Once the idea struck him, he got up, rustled his wings, stretched, and trudged up the stairs to bite at Clow’s heels a little.

He really didn’t think the sorcerer was sleeping much these past few days. His light eyes were rimmed with deep bruises and were bloodshot, and not just from liquor, though Kero could smell a waft of it through the air, along with stale tobacco, a rare habit, and simply unwashed human. Clow really had been cooped up in here a while.

“Oh, Kerberos…” Clow said calmly, and smiled tiredly. “Is it time for supper already?”

“Passed,” the guardian corrected. “Yue made rice and cabbage. Not much, but he didn’t burn it. There’s still some left downstairs.”

Clow nodded vaguely, but seemed to be intensely distracted by whatever item was on his desk. Kerberos wasn’t tall enough to see over the top of it, but figured he wasn’t all that interested anyway. Any time he tried to look at Clow’s work, it was little more than an assortment of runes and relics he couldn’t understand, usually nothing more than algebraic drivel that, to Kero, really took the magic out of magic. 

He nodded. “Sure, I’ll be down soon,” he said distractedly, dipping his quill back into the ink, wiping the excess and filling the room with the scratching of parchment once more. “Um…tell Yue thank you.”

Kerberos harrumphed. “Why can’t you tell him yourself? This is the first night he’s made dinner on his own, and he was pretty proud. He’d be over the moon if you said you liked it. No pun intended.”

Clow’s chuckle was forced, and his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Now Kerberos was getting worried. His tail flicked, not with happy anticipation, but with anxiety.

“You’ve been avoiding him,” he pointed out bluntly.

Clow instantly denied it. “We were outside together just yesterday,” he dismissed. “To pick the last of the strawberries, remember?”

“I do, as does my belly,” Kerberos agreed with a nod. “But you hardly spoke to him. He’s noticing it too, ya know.”

He studied the magicians face, but it was so weary and tiredly lined, it was difficult to read anything deeper in it, even for one so closely connected to him.

“…Clow. Whatever happened, he’s hurting. He acts like he’s just been scolded.”

“Yue didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But you did.”

Clow felt it like a physical slap; he pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes to scrub, feeling the crust of sleep left from his brief, fleeting naps.

“You did, didn’t you,” Kerberos accused, without the hint of a question. “I know you’ve been watching him the last 6 weeks, or more, and I know he’s a pretty thing. Just please tell me all you did was fail at flirting with him.”

The silence between them stretched far, as Clow stared down at his work, unable to even glance at his oldest creation, unable to even move his tongue to answer.

“…that WAS all it was, right Clow? You made a pass before you remembered Yue isn’t old enough to understand?” When Clow still gave no approval of the theory, Kero’s tail twitched again. “You kissed him,” he offered instead, and expectantly waited for his Master to nod shame-faced. But he sat stoically, no longer seeing his desk or papers but seeming to retreat somewhere farther away.

Kerbero’s tail stopped at the same moment his hackles began to raise, a line of hair bristling down his spine .

“Clow Reed, what did you do to him.”

Clow finally closed his eyes, and Kero saw the dribble of tears fall from each, to stain and bleed the ink on the page below him. His shoulders and back shook as he drew in a breath deep enough to fill his chest entirely. SO much work for so few words.

“I am a weak man, Kerberos.”

Kero didn’t try to claw at his throat as Clow thought he might. Nor did he brandish his claws, nor drip flames from his mouth to scorch the sorcerer. He simply sat stone-still, in only the way cats could, and nodded once.

“Yeah, Clow. Yeah you are.”

Clow didn’t watch him leave, didn’t say anything more to defend himself. He heard the door latch behind Kerberos, and wasn’t sure how much longer after that he sat at his desk.

Kerberos, out in the hall, went straight for Yue’s bedroom one floor above. It was a beautiful room, facing the north and West, with several tall, narrow windows stained yellow along the edges. The room was covered in a deep navy and gold paper, delicate glimmering strips of winding paisley dancing over the midnight sky. Yue hadn’t had much time yet to add personal touches to it, but what he had chosen was simple and elegant. A watercolor painting on one wall, a few sumi ink blocks for calligraphy on another. A little plant near the window, and a bookshelf. Yue himself was sitting cross-legged on his bed, surrounded by his usual assortment of books, and also a flood of silver hair, which he seemed to be trying to do something practical with.

“Hello, Kerberos,” he chirped, looking up from whatever he’d been peering at on the bed. “Has Master come down to dinner yet?”

Kero hmm’d but didn’t answer. He didn’t wanna talk about Master right now. 

“Hey Yue, what’re ya doin?”

“Hmf…tryin t’ do somfin’ wif my hair,” Yue fumbled, having just stuck several pins between his lips to have handy. He separated another piece of hair away from the mass, and looped it back, around another already secured loop, and worked three pins into it to hold it in place. Kero looked down at the book nearest him, a collection of Chinese fables, illustrated with pretty watercolor prints. The illustration open was a young woman playing a lyre, her long hair swooped up into an intricate crown around her head.

“Hm. That’s pretty,” Kero nodded. “Looks complicated though.”

Yue nodded, but had that air of pride around him. “I can manage it,” he said simply. “It’s not like I can cut it without it growing back too quickly, so I ought to be used to doing something nice with it.”

“Hm. Your usual braids are nice,” Kerberos pointed out kindly. 

Yue nodded again. “Yes, but I wanted to try something…pretty.”

Kerberos didn’t like the way he said that, but didn’t try to stop him.

“You think Clow will like it?” Kero prompted gently, and watches with an ache in his chest as Yue’s face softened, white skin glowing lightly pink. “I hope he does,” he admitted in a whisper.  
They sat quietly for a time, Yue deftly trying to complete the complex looping of his impractically long hair…Kero wondered, not for the first time, why Clow had designed him with such a long flow of it. They were to be fighters, weren’t they? Warriors? He’d always thought a shorter cut would be far more practical for...well, anything.

Well. He supposed now he had his answer. Clow must fancy it.  
“Hey…Yue?” Kerberos finally spoke up, laying his head heavily onto Yue’s bed. “Um…how are you?”

Yue paused in his weaving long enough to shoot his older brother a queer look, but nodded. “I’m fine, Kerberos.”

“Good…that’s good…So thanks for making dinner.”

Yue smirked to himself rather happily, and accepted the compliment in the haughty way only Yue could. 

“And uh…I’m sure Clow will like it too, when he comes downstairs. He’s still working…”

“Master is a very busy man,” Yue pointed out, fishing several more pins from a small basket on his lap. “It’s our duty to help make his life easier, isn’t it?”

“…Yeah, I suppose,” Kerberos agreed. And he was right, after all. They were created to be Guardians, their Master's sword and shield, to protect him and whatever magic he weaved. They were created to be his help, in a way, though Clow made it painfully clear from the moment of their birth that they were neither slaves nor servants; they were beloved companions. But some days, Kero wasn’t sure that lesson really resonated with his younger brother. He was always saying things like this, what their duty was, what their purpose was, and he always said is as though such a thing were the holiest blessing that could be bestowed upon him. A joy to serve.

Kero was starting to have to wonder more and more about THAT aspect of his personality as well.

“Master has plenty to do, so doing dinner or some housework is the least I can offer him…”

Kerberos lightly crawled up on the bed, carefully avoiding all the open books around him…he noted vaguely that each was filled with poetry, or romance tales, and it hurt his chest to see. He sat his great beastly form against the wall, right beside Yue, and hooked a pin onto his claw to hand to him.

“Yeah, he has a lot to do…Um…I went to talk to him this afternoon, Yue.”

“Yes?” Yue prompted, sparing his brother a glance. Kero apprised him quietly. Yue was getting very good at masking his emotions, at controlling his smaller outbursts, but he couldn’t hide it from those two, no matter how hard Yue tried. There was a moment of breathlessness in his chest, he could tell.

“Yeah. I did…Yue, you know, he told me what happened, between you two.”

He wasn’t good with words, Kerberos. He wasn’t good with subtlety, something he shared with his brother, though manifested in different ways. Yue’s bluntness was startling and meant to put you off guard. Kero’s was just awkward.

“…he did?” Yue said, trying to keep his voice steady. He finally let his hands lower, and played with a long piece of loose silver hair. “And um…what was it he told you, then?”

“Not much,” kero replied quietly, trying to fill this awkward, empty space of silence between them. “Just that…that something happened between you two, and uh…I just though, if you, ya know, needed to…talk…”

“Something…? We made love, yes,” Yue said. His ringing voice was confident, clear, and prideful; so much it almost covered up the awkward newness of those unfamiliar words, as though he were testing how they sounded. 

Kero’s ears pricked, and wavered as he listened. “Hm. Yue, don’t you think you’re a little…y’know…young?” Kerberos suggested, and Yue shook his head gently.

“I’m not a child,” he reminded his brother. “Neither of us were born as children. Even Master said so. That we could be childish, yes, but it’s not the same. He says I look like I’m about 19, and that’s more than fully grown.”

“that’s…true yeah,” Kero conceded, as he casually leafed through some of the tomes scattered about. The larger ones had heavier, thicker pages, better for clumsy paws. “But you’re still only technically 3 months old.”

“So?”

“Sooo…I dunno, Yue. I mean…did you want to?”

The question drifted, as Yue refused to answer for several moments. Kero watched him expectantly, but with a patience he was trying very, VERY hard to maintain.

“If,” Yue finally whispered calmly. “If I had known what it was he was asking, of course I would have wanted to. But I don’t see why you’re asking. It’s not different than any other way he’s taught us to serve him.”

Kero’s fur began to rise again, as he felt chilled. If Yue noticed the spiked row of hair down his back, though, he didn’t notice.

“You really think that?”

Yue nodded, finding his sure footing again. “Yes, of course. I mean, your form is different than mine, so naturally you were made to fill a different role in his life. But if this is why Clow chose this form for me, I’m very glad to finally understand it!”

The most frightening thing about that assertion, to Kerberos, was that he couldn’t find it in him to argue against it. After all, why DID Clow create the great beast as a fighting lion, while the yin-oriented moon was a small and beautiful human? It…it did make sense, and that clenched around Kero’s usually iron-clad stomach.

“So you…were happy with what he did?”

“I’m happy with any way Clow asks me to do what I was created to do,” Yue said with a solid finality in his tone.

Kero had nothing to say. He was no sage, wise thing, he could offer no advice, nor could he even boldly form a decent opinion of this whole mess. Who…who was he to say, he supposed, that Yue hadn’t given consent? Yet even as he tried to calm himself with that notion, he knew. He understood his Maker and his brother better than anyone. Clow would not look so painfully forlorn if what they had done was a simple, lightehearted tryst in bed. As for Yue…he worshipped Clow. He adored him in a way Kero didn’t understand. Of course, he loved the magician as well, and not just as a sentimental affection. Of course he loved him with his whole heart. But he couldn’t imagine wearing the same look of adoration Yue had in his eyes when Clow entered a room. He felt little compulsion to bow his head, and he NEVER called him Master, as Yue seemed determined to do.

Something was different, between he and his brother. Something deeper than their usual opposing natures.

)o(  
Over a week had passed since Clow’s lapse of decent humanity, and through a mix of comatose sleep, no sleep at all, and a drinking binge, he finally emerged from his bookish cocoon. His family was still his, and still needed him, no matter his self loathing. And from what he’d seen, Yue was…seemingly pretty unaffected by what had happened. Usually the slightest scolding set Yue into a depressive pit of self hatred and reproach, yet from his view from the window, he was playing as heartily as ever and, had burned only one meal. They were bland things as of yet, but well cooked, and filling. He was learning. And considering he was bringing his meals up to him, he obviously wasn’t trying to avoid him.

Nor was Kerberos, considering he seemed to have taken up the job of Yue’s personal guard, never allowing Yue to approach Clow on his own. He wasn’t sure if the Moon noticed, but Clow certainly did, saw the appraising and daring eyes of his sun beast as he stood at his brother's side, as though taking it as his personal mission to guard what was left of Yue’s virtue.

He couldn’t stay away forever. At the very least, he owed Yue an explanation, an apology. He wanted his child to understand his remorse, even if what he had done couldn’t truly be forgiven. 

He could sense where his boys were easily; as usual, in the library and, as expected, it was Kerberos he encountered first, who lay at Yue’s side, both curled against the pillows at the window seat.

Yue’s face softened into a smile as he heard the door opened, and he greeted his master happily. Kerberos’s greeting was far more cordial.

“I’d like to speak to Yue, if you don’t mind,” Clow told the guardian with a soft tickle to his chin. Kerberos was not so easily charmed, and he knew it. He looked behind him at his brother, then back up to Clow, giving him an even look.

“…Kerberos, please. I just want to speak to him. You can wait right outside.”

“…I’ll be listening at the door,” he warned, giving Yue’s leg a nuzzle with his broad golden head.

“I expect nothing less,” Clow said with his usual soft, bemused smile.

With a deliberate nod, Kero rose, and stared solidly at Clow the entire way out. 

“RIGHT, at the door, Clow.”

“Yes, yes…” he listened to the latch close heavily as Kerberos left, and he turned then to Yue. He Began to rise to greet his Master, but Clow beat him to it, and sat before him instead.

“Yue…” he breathed his name, and even now, even after all this, after what he’d done, it was impossible for him to look at Yue and not see the beauty he was becoming. “Yue…I’ve missed you.”

“You have not been gone,” Yue pointed out simply. “You’ve been busy with your work, yes, but you have not been absent. Did you like the lunch we brought up for you?”

Clow’s eyes crinkled as he smiled kindly. “I did indeed. You’re becoming more skilled in the kitchen; I don’t even see any burn marks on your sleeves this time!”

Yue nodded very primly. “The fires can be difficult to manage, but they obey Kerberos more easily than they do me. I don’t seem to agree very naturally with fires.”

“No, you wouldn’t!” Clow chuckled. “It’s not in your nature to get along with that element well. Yours is Water, the natural enemy of fire.”

Yue raised one eyebrow, very pleased, and Clow could tell from the gleam in his violet eyes that he was tucking that away as fodder against Kerberos in their next skirmish. ..He could also tell by his posture and ease that he felt no fear or discomfort being around him. Here Clow had been in a state of self mortification, dragging himself out of his room only to appear once a day or so, for his creation’s benefit, yet Yue seemed to not hold the slightest scrap of ill content against what happened the day of the new moon. Indeed, he seemed to be in higher spirits than usual! His Yue was seldom depressed by any means, but he was the most thoughtful of the house, and a worrier, far more than either of those with powers of the Sun. Yet now he seemed to be particularly bubbly.

And why wouldn’t he? He was with his Master.

“Ah…Yue…I came to speak to you,” Clow finally began to search for his words.

He nodded. “I heard you tell Kerberos.”

“Yes, yes…ah…” Clow took his glasses off, to polish distractedly on the front of his long shirt. Yue smiled fondly. Clow rarely was without his glasses, and his eyes naturally squinted without them as he tried to compensate for his poor vision. Yue always found it endearing. It made him look like he was smiling, and he loved few things more than Clow’s smile.

“Yue, we need to talk about what happened last week, during the new moon.”

Yue did not recoil. He did not turn away in shame or embarrassment at his lost innocence, so there went that theory, that he was simply suppressing his pain. Instead, he sat up a little straighter and nodded expectantly. “I was hoping you would come to me about that,” he told Clow.

Oh God of course he would be, Clow thought, sighing inwardly. How was Yue to know how to react to what happened, when he loved and trusted Clow so much? 

He rubbed at his chest, as though trying to sooth a physical pain in his heart. “Yes, well…Yue, you know that I love you, don’t you?” And Yue nodded, eager but earnest. “Well, good then. Good. Because it’s true. You, and Kerberos, I poured my entire being into making you, into giving your spirits bodies, forms, life.”

Yue’s eyes could not have brimmed with more adoration.

“-And I would never want any harm to befall you. But your…your Master is a weak man, Yue. I have magic and sorcery and spells in droves, and I could fight off any other man my size in a fight, but for my own honor and will, I am weak, and flawed, and broken.”

Yue’s smooth face began to crease as his brows knit together, and his smile faltered. He really disliked when Clow spoke like this, so degrading! He assumed it must be some Eastern sense of deep humility and modesty, but it just felt so fake, coming from the mouth of, in Yue’s opinion, the most amazing man on earth. 

“Ma…Clow, I-“

“Yue, please let me finish or I will never be able to say this”. Clow’s voice nearly choked him in his throat, as he held up a hand to hush the younger man. Yue’s mouth closed obediently, as Clow knew it would

“I know you see me as your creator and as a great man. And in many ways I may be. But I have done something grievously wrong, that I don’t deserve to be forgiven for.”

“Clow, nothing is beyond forgiveness,” Yue tried to offer quietly, but Clow shook his head.

“Yue, you’re very young. You’re learned and mature, yes, but even with an adult’s mind, you don’t have an adult’s ability yet to process some things. You understand?” Yue nodded once. “Good. Good…perhaps you don’t understand the severity of what happened then, Yue, but…I…I am so sorry!” By his last word, he barely made an actual noise. His tongue moved, his lips tried to shape the words, but no actual sound escaped. Yue sat quietly, looking forward, his own chest now beginning to fill with pain, seeing his Master’s…FEELING Clow’s anguish. Kerberos had such an ability, but he felt it merely as something that existed. Yue, on the other hand, felt it truly. Kerberos had sympathy, but Yue, empathy.

Clow was not crying, but his voice shook as though he was, and he reached, asking silently for Yue’s hands, which he offered. “Yue, please, I am so sorry! I never meant to cause you this pain, or to mar you as I did. I didn’t know what I had done when I created you, when I formed you. I wanted the moon to be a thing of great beauty yes but…God! Look at you! A man any lesser would have fallen even before I had, but a better man could have resisted-“

“-Clow, I…-“

“Yue, I know you don’t fully understand now, but please, when you do, try to forgive me.”

“But for WHAT, Clow?!” Yue’s voice finally cut through sharply, his desperate need to understand what e could not grasp making his temper flare up.

Clow breathed. One deep intake after another, his heart began to slow, even as his prickling anxiety rose.

“For…for wha…Yue, for…for that afternoon, when I took you to my room. For what I did to you.”

Yue’s eyes widened slightly, his head tipping to one side, appraising Clow.

“You mean, what we did together,” he corrected.

Clow’s stomach knotted even further than it had been all morning. 

“What we…Yue, what do you mean, what we did-“

“Together, yes”, Yue finished lightly. “We, ah…we made love, didn’t we? I’ve read it, in some of these books.” He indicated the pile of volumes he’d surrounded himself with, romance stories and tantalizingly risqué poems Clow forgot he’d had collections of. 

“When did you find all of these?” Clow wanted to know, flipping through a collection of prose.

“Hm. I started that evening, M…Clow. I knew the poetry would be a good start, but I simply had to browse through any other promising title, to see if they would do.”

...Clow didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want the answer to what his mind was forming, but he couldn’t allow himself that cowardly luxury. “Why have you been reading all of these, Yue?”

The younger Guardian flipped a page or two idly, eyes scanning over the English text full of racing hearts and warm touches and forevers. “Well, I…I don’t know very much, yet, and I just thought I should learn more, so I could be better, next time. I…I mean!” he tried to back peddle and explain himself, completely misreading the look of horror across Clow’s face. “I know you’ll teach me, of course! But I should study on my own as well, shouldn’t I? Like my other lessons? …Clow?!”

He gasped his last word, as Clow’s arms wrapped around him suddenly, and tightly, dragging him across his lap and lying his head to his shoulder.

“Yue, please, don’t,” he begged in barely a whisper, and now Yue knew he was crying, a realization that bit into him painfully. What had he done? To make low to upset? 

“Yue, I’m going to put these books away, and you aren’t to touch them again. Not for this. There’s not going to be a next time, ok child? I promise. I’m not going to lose myself like that again.”

Yue’s heart sunk down in his chest, and a shiver ran through him. “Wh…what?”

Clow nodded, stroking through his hair. “You don’t have to do this. You shouldn’t, it’s not alright. I hurt you. What I did was wrong, it was damnable, and I’m sorry it happened.”

“…but why, Clow? Did I do so poorly?”

“Yue, damn it!” Clow’s impatience bubbled to the surface, but it was not truly Yue he was angry at. Not at all…the boy was three. Months. Old. He was a child in emotion, if an adult in mind. “Yue, you listen to me. You don’t understand. You read these books and you’ve filled your head with romance and tenderness and you don’t realize, what I did to you was not lovemaking, it wasn’t coupling! It was…” he couldn’t name it, not even to teach Yue. “It was wrong, because you didn’t...couldn’t! tell me yes. Even if I’d have asked you, you had no way of being able to comprehend what it meant. You still don’t!”

Yue was shaking now, whether from emotion or from dread or from panic, he couldn’t list, but as Clow stood, he did as well, trembling. “Clow, I…I understand!” he insisted desperately, his voice rising. “I enjoyed it! It…I mean…It hurt, it did, but it won’t always, right? And I enjoyed being with you-“

“Child, please, you don’t’ know what you’re saying,” Clow pleaded wearily. “I love you, Yue, you know this.”

“As I love you!-“

‘-But this is not the way any decent man would show you that love, Yue! Can’t you understand that? I took advantage of you! I did something to you without offering you the chance to tell me no!”

…That is what Yue could not understand. No? Why would he have said no? If his Master wanted company in his bed, shouldn’t he have the right to it? Yes it…it had been uncomfortable, mostly unpleasant, but Clow had enjoyed it, and was slow, and having him so close, his dark skin against Yue’s cool, light skin, feeling his magic so fully…didn’t Clow understand…?

“Clow…” Yue began, trying ti instill confidence in his voice. “Clow, why…why won’t you let me serve you?”

“Yue, this isn’t the same thing,” he tried to explain gently, glad for Yue’s questioning, for a prompt in what direction to try and guide the young man. “This isn’t the same as your lessons, or you wanting to show me your respect or-

“But you don’t allow me even that, Clow.”

…It was very rare that Yue said anything contrary to Clow. Even more rare was the almost biting tone he used. Accusatory, upset.

“I…what?”

Yue, normally reserved, contemplative, angry only towards his brother, now swelled with a scathing temper. “You do not allow me to show you the respect you deserve from me, Clow,” he said cooly, but his voice rising. “You instead ask me to look at you as my equal-“

“Yue, you ARE my equal,” he breathed, taking Yue’s hands again, but for once, Yue refused, and snapped them away.

“No. You can say that, Clow, but it will never make it true. We may be loved, we may be of an equal power and worth as you are, on a cosmic level. Perhaps you do indeed see us as friends…I do not believe for a moment, Clow, that you look at us and see pets or slaves. I have read how men treat slaves or servants for hire, and the love I feel from you is nothing like that. I understand that. But you show us affection as you see it to be fit, but do not afford me the same luxury!”

Clow did not fear the young guardian, even as his voices passion deepened. “Yue, how did we even get to this from what we were talking abou-“

“This has everything to do with what we were talking about!” Yue all but shouted, and Clow immediately conceded the point. Fine, yes…

“You…you refuse to let me act as my senses tell me I ought to act, Clow. You insist I call you by name, you refuse my ways of wanting to show you honor, refuse my endearments, fill my head with words of equals and independence when my entire being yells at me otherwise! Then you offer me this, this way I can offer myself to you, serve you, show my love for you, and you twist it into something evil?”

“Yue...where did this even come from?” Clow gaped, blue eyes widening and trying again to reach for the boy, but he was growing livid. “Yue…I would never deny you anything you desired,” Clow argued back calmly. “But this is not the same thing, it is no way for you to show you love me. I KNOW you love me, you don’t need to lower yourself to-“

“It is not lowering myself!” Yue shouted back. “You have this notion that you’re saving me from some kind of segregation by telling me to be independent but I will NEVER BE THAT. I was not CREATED for that Clow, and you know it! I will be your friend, I will be your companion. At your wish I would be your lover, but you cannot ask me to sacrifice the very foundation of my nature for your human ideas of justice!”

“Your nature!” Clow nearly laughed, but refrained, not wanting Yue to know how silly he found the notion, that his still-growing child could understand how he was made better than his very Maker. He…he softened his voice next though, not wanting Yue upset. Not wanting the young man any angrier or more heartbroken than he already was. “And just what is it in your nature you feel you are being denied?”

The two stood facing one another in a now silent library, Yue’s chest heaving from his passion, from his yelling. They looked between one another, the patient sorcerer, and the calming Guardian, who looked for all the world, so lost. His face became overcome with an inner pain, as he seemed to struggle and flounder for how to put some hard-to-catch emotion into words.

Finally, he seemed to decide there was a better way to do it. The anxiety melted from his face in a heartbeat, as Yue gently sighed, and sank down to his knees, hands gripping at his chest as he lowered, and head tipped down demurely, before finally bending at the waist, extending his hands down onto the rug below him, and bowed down completely at Clow’s feet. 

“Master.”

Clow insides filled with ice. His stomach churned it, his heart pumped it though his veins and his spine stiffened, turned solid with cold as he looked down at the figure at his feet. Yue’s entire body was relaxed, hair parting to reveal the delicate and vulnerable back of his neck. A sign of submission, a sign of deepest respect, of trust, of…of worship.

“Master,” Yue voice called again, almost crying but dripping with love so deep it had to hurt him to say that one little word. “You love me unconditionally. You treat me with respect and you cherish me the way few magicians treasure their creations. I wouldn’t sacrifice that blessing for anything. But I need…! I…I don’t want to be your equal, when what makes me happiest in the world is being here, as a beloved lesser. All I’ve wanted to do from the moment I opened my eyes is submit to you…”

“…and this is how I made you,” Clow breathed, and he felt as though the manors walls were collapsing in around him. How could he not have realized…He was a god damned fool! How could he…He should have realized this from the beginning!

‘But didn’t you?’ a cruel voice in the back of his mind accused, and try as he might to will it away, he knew. He HAD known. He just hadn’t been prepared for…

“The Sun can make its own light,” Clow whispered, still looking down at his bowing creation. “It can shine on its own. But the moon doesn’t. The moon can only reflect light, so it needs-“

“To depend on another,” Yue finished softly, cherishing the verbal description of his nature. “The moon needs the earth, otherwise it will tear from orbit, and be-

“And be lost in the void,” Clow breathed. “And I am to you, both sun and earth at once. I nourish you with my magic, I keep your life and existence in the palm of my hand, and-“

“I revolve around you.”

Clow felt his legs grow weak, and he too lowered himself to the floor, coaxing, letting Yue lay across his lap. Suddenly he looked at Yue and saw not the beautiful young man he had lusted after. He didn’t see the temperamental being with his own likes and dislikes, his own will, his own desires…he saw the Moon, that he had harness and stolen and given a human body, and tried to give a humans heart, but something was so innately different.

Guilt followed in the melting wake of the ice. Guilt and sickening self-blame. He had made this being, this beautiful, intelligent, strong, powerful being, and had fashioned him to feel all the love and sorrow and hope of a human being, and most importantly, “I wanted you to have free will,” he tried to convince himself, and Yue nodded in his lap.

“I have free will, Master. I may choose what I wear, and what I read. My amusements are my own. I choose what I like and dislike to be around. I have free will.”

“That isn’t…! I…I wanted you and Kerberos to have the will to choose to love, Yue,” he sighed, trying to clam his racing heart and ragged breath. “To choose to offer your loyalties to me”

“Hm. Kerberos may well have that,” Yue said. “But I…how could I not give you my loyalty, when I owe you my life? Even if I could, I would never say no.”

“Even if you…My God…” What had he done? What had he…he made?

‘Exactly what you wanted,’ chimed again that nasty voice. He…he knew the nature of the moon better than anyone. He had set out not to simply make a set of pets that represented the celestial bodies, or drew magic from them, but were truly made of their very ESSENCE. Brought to life a God and Goddess of sorts, sun and moon in living flesh. He…he had known, that the moon…Yin, passive, yielding, quiet. The moon was a satellite in orbit, dependent and beautiful and…and he had wrapped that up and surrounded it in a human heart. As flesh and blood, Yue’s very nature, his instincts for pleasure and survival for not for warmth and comfort or food, but for Clow. His Master, the being his entire being revolved around, literally.

“I…I am your whole world,” Clow murmured in shock, stringing his fingers through Yue’s hair. And he FELT the pure joy flush through the young man as he replied, “My whole world, Master. My everything. And I would die if it was any other way.”

)o(

Clow had seen Yue happy, of course. He had been more or less happy since his creation, save for his little slips of anger or frustration. But that evening, as he allowed Yue to sit at his feet as they both read, he could feel a peaceful contentment washing in waves off of the moon. He had tried this so many times before, but Clow had always denied him, insisting such an act was un-necessary, and degrading to him, but here Yue sat willingly, and joyfully, so happy to just…be as Clow’s feet, as though nothing could be more natural to him than this sign of submission.

‘Did you not create them to be willing to give their lives for you?’ Clow asked himself in exhaustion, and of course answered yes. But as he looked between the two of them, he had to wonder at the differences. Kerberos would choose to, out of love, as a human family would. And Yue…would he truly have a choice? Even if he said it was his own decision, was he ABLE to have a choice otherwise?

I could remake him…the thought disgusted him even before it was fully formed, and even then, he knew it wasn’t possible. Even if he undid Yue’s fibers and reconstructed him, it would be of no use. This wasn’t a flaw. It was not a quirk of his individual personality. It was his NATURE. Just as it was human nature to enjoy warmth and seek food, the nature of the moon was passiveness and submission. Yue, in any construct, would be that way.

And he had known that, on an instinctual level, when he chose to harness the Sun and the Moon into perfect, balancing opposition.

Kerberos lay stretched out before the fire, watching. Hmf. Yue really liked playing lapdog…but he was happy. Really, really happy right now. As for Clow…his face was generally unreadable, but one usually didn't need cunning to know the feelings of one Clow Reed. Positivity was his, joy, a fiendishly jovial nature even with the burden of his powerful magic. Right now though, Clow looked tired, worn and old, with the few lines of his face seeming to have deepened the past week. Though he'd drawn in his aura enough to not radiate his anxieties, Kero could tell. Perhaps Yue wasn't adept yet at reading people without an open magical link, but Kerberos was, and he was the self loathing etches into every wrinkle on Clow's face. Good. Well...mostly good. Kerberos did not want to see his Master go through a permanent agony, but for he here and now? He deserved it, and he knew Clow knew that as well. Kero hadn’t forgiven him. He could cry, his could plead his sorrow, and Kerberos knew instantly it was genuine, yes…but what he did to Yue was a capital sin, was a complete devolution of the human dignity he had created in them both. Sorry wasn’t going to cut it enough to earn back Kerberos’s good graces…but…he did trust Clow. His anguish, there was nothing of it that was forced or untrue. He’d gone through a week of living purgatory, and Kero felt every assurance he would never attempt such a thing again. What would happen when Yue was older, he couldn’t be sure…but in the back of his mind, Kerberos hoped Clow could see Yue as he, his own brother, could see him. Yue wasn’t like him...Yue’s nature was not like his own. He knew, no matter how old Yue was, how well formed his mind became…he doubted severely Yue even had the capacity to decide, “no”.

Well…he couldn’t really say it would be his business by then. He would just be keeping an eye on Clow in the meantime. He wouldn’t be trying that again, he knew…despite his flaws, and his crippling moment of weakness, Kerberos knew that he, and Yue, were loved. And that meant something, even if it WAS by a foolish magician who was in way over his head. In his opinion, Clow should was waiting, before bringing Yue into the world. Clow was impulsive and foolish and still somewhat an overly whimsical idiot. He hadn't been ready for a being who needed so much from him.

“Hmf. He fell asleep, Clow,” Kero murmured in a low tone, and Clow smiled, chuckling gently, though it seemed...not forced, but definitely, he did not feel like laughing... So…So he had, leaning against his knee, comfortable as anything. Good. He’d been waiting for him to sleep. It would be better for him, and would work better…He pulled the slim catalyst from his pocket, what he had been slaving away over for the last week since the New Moon. It thrummed warm in his hands, the moon’s magic running through the thick layers of lacquered paper, carefully inked, lined and cut. He supposed it turned out looking rather nice, for his first try, but it was the magic it contained that made it unique. That’s what was important. 

“Whatcha got there?” Kero asked with mild interest, and a hint of suspicion. Like he’d said, he trusted Clow, but he’d be keeping an eye out…

“It’s…it’s something to make this easier for him,” Clow said in a hoarse whisper, not wanting to wake the pale guardian. Carefully, he leaned forward to cradle his head and shoulders in his arms, and slipped down to the floor with him, to lie him over his lap once again.

“…I heard what you two were shouting in here today,” Kerberos stated. “And he’s right. You know you’re BOTH right. You can’t just change how he feels, Clow. Just let him follow you around and call you Master if it makes him so happy. It’s not hurting him. It’s how he’s made.”

Clow nodded, turning the slim object over in his fingers. “I know that. I couldn’t change him if I wanted to…Yue’s nature is different from yours, and his notion of free will won’t ever be what I had planned. If he wishes to call me Clow, or he wishes to call me Master, either…either is fine. It’s what he wishes. And if he’s happiest sleeping at my feet in the evenings, if serving me makes him happy, and fulfills something that basic…it would be cruel of me, to ask him to deny his instincts that way. The most I can do is return that love in whatever way he’ll accept it…but I won’t allow him to think what I did to him was such an act.”

“You can’t undo it, Clow. You fucked up, and you have to live with it,” Kero said gruffly, and Clow didn’t miss the glimpse of his fangs that Kero flashed him.  
“I know...I know. I don’t want to forget what I did. I don’t deserve to forget it, Kerberos. All the sorrow and remorse in the world won’t undo what I’ve done.. I don’t deserve to forget. But, he does.”

The spell would work itself, with a simple instruction. It would be painless, gently wiping the last week form Yue’s mind, replacing it with a week spent enjoying the height of summer, his first meal cooked on his own, surrounded with the family that loved him so.

On Yue’s gently rising chest, just over his heart, Clow laid a narrow bit of paper, scarlet and gold and grey and pulsing with Moon magic and Clow’s own. It bore the illustration of a jester, a woman, and beneath her in heavy scrollwork read the words,

The Erase.


End file.
